yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
