Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
