and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sex in a hospital.. check
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
