My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you had me at cake vodka
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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