so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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