she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
