We're facebook friends in real life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
