true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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