SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
