It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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