Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
