Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
