u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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