no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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