just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
