I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
