Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
