apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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