dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
