God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
