i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
