this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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