how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
