you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
