I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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