i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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