the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
