how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
