I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
