I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's the barista slut.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
