You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
