I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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