somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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