this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize