shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
