I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
