she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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