You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
