dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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