We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think i just lost a toe
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
