For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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