he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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