Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
