I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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