A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
