I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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