Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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