I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize