I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Randomize
