All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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