i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The best revenge is premature balding
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
