Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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