I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am mentally ready for anal.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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