we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're too hungover to prance.
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