What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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