I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize