i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
