Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
