Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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