Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
