is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
