I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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