yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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