I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
