i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
