So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
