Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
