Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize