Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize