I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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