I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize