I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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