Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
