If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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