Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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