Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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