someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
