My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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