help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize