remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
