chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
