how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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