She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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