i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
