Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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