nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
