So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
