It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
