I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
