uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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