Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
