I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
