Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
