A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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